Mom, college is great!

Susie came home this summer after her first year in college. Living on her own, so to speak, left her with so much to share. Susie and her mom have a good relationship so she couldn’t wait to catch mom up on how much she had learned and grown in her first year away from home.



Let’s drop in on their conversation and see what it’s like to see this moment through the eyes of a rising college sophomore.

Susie: Mom, I have so much to tell you. College is so cool.
Mom: Great Susie, I can’t wait to hear. Did you learn a lot?
Susie: Yes, mom. I feel like I learned more in this one year than all of high school.
Mom: That’s great, Susie. That’s why we pay all those big bucks (smile and little giggle). Your dad and I are so excited about what you’ll learn and how that will help you with a career. You know it takes a lot of money to make it in this world these days. So a good career is very important.

Susie: Yes, Mom, I know. My professors are so smart. They are helping me so much. I feel good about where I am heading.
Mom: Well, that’s a good sound to a mother’s ears. Tell me the most helpful thing your professors taught you.
Susie: I have this one professor. He is so cool – and smart. He knows everything about life.
Mom: Really? What does he teach?

Susie: He is my Philosophy professor.
Mom: Philosophy? I thought you were focused on Pre Med. Shouldn’t a science be your favorite course?
 Susie: Yeah, I do want to be a doctor, but more importantly, I really want to find myself. My Professor of Philosophy convinced me that finding who I really am is the most important thing I will ever do.
Mom: Really? That’s interesting. Are you lost? (smile and giggle)
Susie: No, mom, I’m not lost.

Mom: Then why do you need to find yourself?
Susie: Oh mom, that is just an expression that young people use to focus on exploring their soul, to find out who we are and what makes us tick. I really need to know my purpose, why I was made like I am – maybe I am not supposed to be a doctor?

Mom: Yikes, that’s scary - I don’t think finding yourself will pay your bills when you graduate.
Susie: I know mom, but my Philosophy professor feels I need to open up. Consider my possibilities. See many points of view. He says it is not good to see things one way. He says I need to be inclusive.
Mom: “Inclusive” What does that mean?
Susie: Oh mom, you and dad are so old fashion. You are stuck in tradition and religion. You raised me well but I can’t just accept what you believe just because you believe it. I need to find out for myself. That’s kinda what finding myself means. It seems that’s what college is really about. My professor doesn’t believe there is only one truth about life. And he is not the only one. It seems most all of my professors and many of my friends feel this way, too.

Mom: Oh, so what dad and I believe is not good enough anymore?
Susie: It’s not that. I am sure you sincerely believe what you believe. But I don’t know why I should believe it. In fact, I don’t know why I believe what I believe. Everyone is encouraging me to think for myself, to try different ideas about what is true. After all, isn’t truth just what we think about something. If any one person had a corner on truth, then they would be intolerant of others and that’s the worst thing anyone can be – intolerant. Everybody knows that.

Mom: I don’t know Susie. I agree that sometimes I am not sure why I believe what I do. It just seems right based on how your dad and I were raised. I just think it’s better if you stay with your beliefs and focus on being a doctor.
Susie: Mom, that may have been good enough for you and dad, but it isn’t good enough for me. I need to find myself, be true to myself or I will just live an unhappy life. Mom, if you were truthful, you are not exactly happy now yourself, are you?

Mom: Can you tell? Life is hard. All the dreams I had have kind of fallen to the wayside. I try to put on a good front for you and your brothers, but most of the time I am just going through the motion – trying to get from one day to the next. BUT, I want more for you. I thought if you got a good education and had a great career like being a doctor, you would be happy when you grow up.
Susie: Well, mom, me and my friends look at your generation and think there must be more to life. Our professors tell us there is no reality beyond our inner self. Knowing ourself is way more important than knowing how to do a job and is way more important than thinking religion is the answer.

Mom: Well, I can’t help you there. I once learned a very important lesson

“Without the context of a bigger stage, being true to ‘self’ is a flattering allegiance to bias and voices of deception.”

Susie: That’s interesting. What do you mean by “bigger stage”? and what is bias and deception?
Mom: I don’t know for sure, but I studied the human condition once and what struck me was that we are part of a bigger story. It’s really the story in which we belong that matters more than being an independent self.
Susie: You believe we are a character in a story? Are we just a puppet that someone is pulling the strings?
Mom: No, that’s not what that means. It means that there is an author of life, who created each of us for a purpose, kinda like a role in a story. It’s a good story, but has episodes of tragedy. I learned that we must see ourselves within this story more than finding our self as an independent actor without a story.

Susie: I like that idea. I find it frustrating to just focus on myself. I’d like to know the story I am in, that sounds exciting.
Mom: I also learned that we have a human nature that can affect how we see and understand things. These are like flaws – so even if we were searching for our self, we could never see our self properly. There are self centered biases that force us to focus on the wrong issues.
Susie: Like what?
Mom: I heard that our nature forces us to get what we need by trying to earn it by what we do.
Susie: Yeah, duh, what’s wrong with that? Sounds pretty normal to me.

Mom: That’s my point, this is our nature. The problem is that this yearning to exchange our actions for what we can get in return is what creates anxiety, despair, frustration and many other emotions. And even when we have moments where things work well and we are happy, we fear that we will soon lose what we have. It seems by definition that we can never gain hope, joy and freedom if exchange is the way we operate.
Susie: Yeah, I can see that already in my short life. I think that’s why we have so many teen suicides.
Mom: yeah, and divorces and cheating and depression. Even worse, we feel in bondage to those who do something for us because we feel obligated to do something in return. This can make us feel guilty.

Susie: Yeah, I don’t like feeling obligated. So I try to give more than receive so I can stay free of obligation. Lots of people say giving is a good thing, but I think most people give to get something in return. I feel more in control when I am giving versus when I receive.
Mom: Think about it, why doesn’t your Philosophy professor and your friends ever talk about these things? Maybe understanding the flaws of human nature and the absence of our place in the big story would be better than “finding our self”.

Susie: Mom, you are so smart. College just doesn’t seem to think that way. I don’t feel prepared to defend against the things my professors and friends throw at me. I never really felt good about what they were saying, but I didn’t know how to defend what I believe, even when I knew deep down their arguments were shallow and futile.
Mom; We tried to raise you well, to know what is right and what is wrong, but we never really knew what we believed deep enough to give you the tools. I hope some time, somewhere there will be an opportunity for you to discover core truths about life.
Susie: Me too, mom. It doesn’t feel good to know that I should think one way but I am tugged another. There must be something that can help?

Mom: yeah, Susie, as a mom I think I would pay anything for a book or a course or something that would transform how you think so deeply that hurricanes could not shake your beliefs and that these beliefs would lead you to joy, purpose, freedom, hope, love and a sense of where you belong in this great big story called life.

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There's a lot more to this story and there are millions just like it. Young people easily swayed by the culture and their friends. Parents who want the best for their kids, raised them as best as they could, but feel defenseless in the world's attacks on their kids.

b4Worldview is a transformational learning experience designed for parents and millennial children to develop and own core beliefs that serve them well through the onslaught of principles and ideas that are futile in living the abundant and virtuous life.