Dad and daughter at dinner

Susie is home from college at Fall break. Mom and dad like it when the family can all have dinner together. After all, eating together is a great time for fellowship and discussing life’s issues. Let’s drop in at dinner time and listen to Susie and her dad as they catch up on what’s been happening since they were last together.



Dad: Well, Susie, how is everything going at college?
Susie: Good.
Dad: Good.
(a little period of awkward silence follows as usual)

Dad: You learning anything interesting?
Susie: Classes are good. I like my professors.
Dad: Good, getting along with all your friends?
Susie: Yeah, that’s good.  (little silence) I wish you’d quit embarrassing me with your facebook posts though.

Dad: Oh, I’m sorry. (a little silence) What did I say that was so bad?
Susie: You get on this immigration kick of yours. My friends think you are so intolerant.
Dad: My immigration kick? (hesitation) All I say is that people who come into our country should obey the immigration laws.
Susie: You always said that the Golden Rule is a major principle we should live by. Doesn’t that mean people who have a hard time in their country deserve a better life and we should share what we have so they can be happy? Isn’t the Golden rule all about being fair. After all, wouldn’t we want others to help us and share with us if we were in need?

Dad: Yeah, I suppose I have taught you about the value of treating others as you would want them to treat you. But, it just doesn’t seem fair to those immigrants who follow the law that many others can get the same benefits and not follow the law. What’s wrong with that?
Susie: Yeah, I can understand your point but my sociology professor really emphasizes how people who have a lot should share what they have with people who don't. Being a tolerant society is really what matters. Everyone deserves a good life and to have what they need to be happy regardless of their background, what they look like and where they are from.

Dad: I agree this fairness thing is complicated. But I always thought that fair is about “getting what we deserve”. Doesn't this mean we must earn or work for what we get, not that we just deserve it because we exist. If someone wants more, shouldn't they work for it and follow the rules. Isn’t your professor’s idea of tolerance using the wrong idea of the word “deserve”?
Susie: Well, he’s the professor. He’s smart. Sharing what we have with those in need feels right to me. (hesitation) If the Golden Rule is right and being tolerant feels right, then that must be what the Golden Rule means. I don’t see a problem with that logic. Oh, btw, you also complain all the time about taxes and how you pay too much. You make a lot of money and if you really believed in the Golden Rule, you’d be happy to pay your fair share.

Dad pauses for a bit, knowing this doesn’t sound right to him but he doesn't want to argue with his daughter. He needs to find a way to make this discussion personal to Susie. Its very hard to compete with the credibility Susie gives to her professors. After a few moments he says this:

Dad: Speaking of your professors, how are you doing in school?
Susie: Oh, I’m doing great. I am on track to maintain my 4.0 GPA. But its not easy.
Dad: No, I’m sure its not. College is tough. Grades don’t come easy, even when you are smart.
Susie: yeah, I study all the time, never have time to go out and party like many of my friends.  I don’t even have time for a boyfriend and don't really have many college friends because I spend all my time studying. I am taking more difficult courses, too.

Dad: yeah, I am so proud of you. How is your friend Mary doing?
Susie: Oh, Mary is hardly getting by. She is barely pulling a 2.0 GPA, and she takes easy classes and never studies.

Dad: That’s interesting.
Susie: and oh yeah, Mary is very popular on campus. College for her is a blast. She goes to all the parties all the time and very often doesn't even show up for classes because she is too hung over.
Dad: So Mary does college very different than you and gets very different results, right?
Susie: Yeah, she sure does. She doesn’t follow the rules and what we were told as freshman about how to succeed in college and she is suffering the consequences. I am not sure if she will be able to stay in school and graduate.

Dad: (after letting what Susie said soak in a minute, he says): Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to Mary? That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and you both can graduate.
Susie: (a little bothered by that suggestion says) That wouldn't be fair!  I worked really hard for my grades. I do without some things I would want to do, and Mary has done little or nothing, to succeed. She played while I worked really hard!

Dad: Susie, don’t be so intolerant of Mary. Remember, her dad died when she was young. Her family has not had as many privileges you have had. She has a much tougher life. Doesn’t she deserve to graduate just like you? What would your sociology professor tell you to do? (smiling)

Susie looks perplexed
Dad: anyone for dessert?

How we view what’s fair, what people deserve, guiding principles like the Golden Rule ultimately determines our worldview on many issues in life. However, our worldviews flow from core assumptions deep within us that we never even question or discuss. People of all ages, but especially those in the formative early adult years, are subject to many voices, competing for the ideas that shape how they think, feel, and act. Isn’t it time to explore those core assumptions in a thoughtful and rigorous way so that what comes b4Worldview can lead to a more abundant and virtuous life?