Making sense of conflict

Many people see themselves as "conflict avoiders." They believe that conflict is a negative state and we should structure our lives to avoid it. However, the study of conflict has produced a perspective of value in conflict. How can people at odds with each other ever be good?

The source of some conflict is natural. That is, in business we know that while a company wants inventory levels to be lower and service levels to customers higher, when we reduce inventory we likely negatively impact service level. Sales people would like to be able to customize products for their customers to increase sales. However, flexibility in product features increase the cost of manufacturing. Thus, just the physical design of of world carries with it conflict. This must mean that our goal can not be to avoid it, but to effectively make sense of it so that we manage it well.

Another source of conflict is what I call idiosyncratic. That is, conflict exists because of differences in people, such as values, personality, needs, etc. The husband has no problem buying a set of new golf clubs, but cringes at the thought of a new dining room suit or "bed ensemble". The husband wants to sit quietly and read the paper while the wife wants to talk. Why did God create man and woman so different and then say "go have the most intimate relationship humans can have"? Why is marriage NOT between golfing buddies or  garden club ladies?

Why would God create things this way, so different but so interdependent? While we may not know why, we do know He did. We pray "give us this day our daily bread." How does this happen? Occasionally God did just shower down manna from heaven to feed His people. However, His main plan is that He gives to each person a calling, a vocation, from which the world's sustenance comes. But how, God distributes His gifts through each part of the food chain, the health care chain, the public safety chain, the family, the church, and so on. Each person exercising his/her gifts in interdependency with one another gives each person their "daily bread". This is what Martin Luther called "the mask of God." God showers His blessings on His creation behind the scenes of people playing out what He has put in them. Thus, we are all dependent on God for our vocation and then dependent each to the other to faithfully carry out that calling.

Conflict then is the mechanism God uses to keep us from believing we are an island and can go it alone. Conflict gets us out of our self centeredness and self sufficiency (both enemies of our relationship with God) to see that we are called to serve others with our calling. Conflict provides us a constant reminder that in our interdependence human needs are satisfied and God is glorified.

Making sense of conflict with a Kingdom mind helps keep us in harmony with the Heavenlies (remember, that is one way to make sense of righteousness)!!