Life as an "amputee"

Some people have lost a hand, foot, arm or leg through war, accidents, or disease. Beyond the physical limitations such severe loss carries with it grief. Others may have physical appearance and activity constrained by paralysis. They too experience grief from severe loss. I have have not walked in these shoes but I do understand that while what is lost is apparent to others through some form of physical abnormality, grief is the UNSEEN psychological recognition of loss that also accompanies the obvious. This isn't so apparent. Loss of self image, esteem, purpose, and enjoyment of some offerings of life affect those who experience physical "deformity".

However, grief is not limited to the loss resulting from some physical constraint. Loss of a relationship carries with it just as much of a sense of loss. Relationships are loss through death but also through rejection. When we lose a relationship, we are likewise subject to the impact on our self concepts and life's enjoyments. In the loss of someone we love and depend on in some way for our well being, we become like the "amputee" in many ways. Psychological pain from grief is similarly as traumatic as loss of function.

When we grieve, we go through stages, such as
1. denial
2. emotional pain (maybe even guilt)
3. anger
4. "depression" (feelings of loneliness and hopelessness)
5. restoration
6. reconstruction
7. acceptance and hope

The time it takes to move through these stages varies by person and situation. However, when someone comes along beside us to encourage us, we usually get the words "you just need to move on with your life." While such encouragement is usually well meaning, it doesn't seem applicable until about stage 6 or 7. Do we really help the person in grief with that kind of encouragement when they are still in the early stages? Do we further our own pain as one grieving when we think that we are just supposed to be able to do just that, "move on with our life", when we are still stuck in stage 1,2, or 3? We need to remember to be patient with others and with ourselves as grief must work through the stages.

One other point - even when we complete all the stages of grief, does that eliminate the loss? No, we are still an "amputee". While we may overcome the effects of loss on our self concepts and find other activities of life we can enjoy, we still have the loss of the physical function or person in our life. Its OK to be sad about our loss even when we are restored, reconstructed, and hope for the future has returned. The encouragement from others can compel us on but its still OK to remember and rejoice over what was.

The older we get, the more personal losses make up who we are and the more likely we are to live the life of an "amputee". I think that is why maturing in Christ means the power of Grace has taken care of a lot of grief :-)