"It doesn't really matter what I do"

Have you ever felt this way? You are told to set goals, try hard, make a difference, serve others - but at some point you question if what you do really matters. Life goes on, the people you try to help don't get better or maybe don't even listen. You feel in your heart you are serving others, doing good in this world  - but at some point you wonder if what you do really matters. I don't know about you, but this is one way my soul can throw its own pity party.




Of course there are times when it seems what we do is making a big difference. People tell us we are important in various ways. We seek feedback to signify to ourselves that we matter. You must admit that even when you say and believe that you are giving of yourself for nothing in return, that nothing doesn't include the notion that you still need to know - if what you do really matters.

When I was younger and working, it was built-in that my job mattered in some way. As a minimum, I was being paid by an employer for my work. Charitable giving and volunteer service was rewarding. I was always getting newsletters and hearing stories of how my giving was helping others. As a parent it mattered what I did to "produce perfect kids." Now, blogging and writing books is what I do. This is mainly a one way street. I throw my thoughts "out there" with very little idea of whether my words matter. Its easy for my mind and emotions to discover that what I do doesn't really matter anymore.

Its in times I throw my own little pity party that God reminds me that what I am writing and blogging does matter. It matters to Him. Its in my own pity party that God reminds me my main message to others is from my time with Him. What I generally write is what He has taught me - there are only TWO biases in the way we see life.

When I feel "it doesn't really matter what I do," I am trusting my human nature's idea that outcomes from what I do are what is important. Human psychology calls this Social Exchange. The Apostle Paul called this "walking according to the flesh." No matter how much I am serving others, I am in it for me. God has a better way. He desires that all my thoughts and feelings should flow from my intimacy with His Son Jesus. He chose me and acted on my behalf so that my soul is eternally fortunate (blessed) regardless of what I've done or is going on around me in this world. All I am supposed to do is reflect His glory by faithfully playing out what he calls on me to do. I do not need to ever question if it really matters as an outcome. This is His provision of grace. This is called "walking in the Spirit." Glory goes back to where it belongs.

How do I know? The Bible tells me so. 

You may have never thought about your life in this way. You may disagree with this in some way. Usually, all I ask of you is to ponder what I say. Today, I can't really even do that - that would be an expected outcome. What I do only matters because I faithfully give you what God has put in me, not because it will produce some great outcome. What God does with this in you is His business.

When I blog from my time with Jesus, there is a party but it never involves self pity.