At the heart of the problem with satisfaction may be perspective. Let me illustrate. Suppose you read this tip on needs satisfaction. Does it sound kinda like the right path?
"Every relationship has basic needs, such as intimacy, security, and communication. However, each relationship is unique and each person has needs specific to him or her. Do you know your spouse’s needs? Is your spouse an extrovert or an introvert? Does your spouse enjoy a hilarious good time, or are they more comfortable in silence? It is very important to understand what your partner’s needs are so that you can be the one to meet them. It is difficult to be in a relationship in which your needs are not being met, so it is crucial to understand and fulfill the needs of your significant other. Of course, deep spiritual needs can only be met by a personal relationship with God, so that is not what we are describing here. For example, your wife may need to hear the words “I love you” verbalized often, because her father never told her that he loved her. Or, your husband may need you to initiate sex sometimes so that he feels like you want him physically. Wouldn’t you love to be the one your spouse runs to when they have needs? Become the one that fulfills them, and their love for you will double and triple."
You might think, "yeah, that sounds right, that would make for a good marriage." Or you may think, I try that but he or she doesn't do the same for me so I quit trying. Or there may be yet another response you have to the tip. The point is that this is not the ONLY way to view satisfaction in marriage. There is actually another view of satisfaction in relationships to consider. Suppose you read this tip.
It is typical in relationships for people to focus on getting their needs met by what their mate does for them. However, you probably have found that beyond some brief good moments, seeking happiness through your mate’s actions generally results in frustration and disappointment. So, why not try a more excellent way? Lasting satisfaction does not come from transactions you make with others.The real design for marriage suggests it is more about the privileges and provisions of the relationship than the rewards and rights you have from the relationship. Seeing the beauty found in being chosen by each other to love each other makes your relationship special, not futile. Its abiding in the union you share that meets your needs. Seeing your relationship as a privilege doesn't carry with it the stress from demanding your rights. Provisions are the blessings you each receive from graciously serving each other without expectations. Certainly, each of you must be sensitive and aware of your different “love languages”, but meeting each other’s needs should not be a chore or a duty you work hard at. You will “scratch the itches of each other’s soul” as your actions flow from a heart of mutual respect and admiration. Seeing your relationship as a special privilege with the provisions of being loved by your mate is how your satisfaction will double and triple.
You may or may not agree this second path is best, but you have to admit it is different. The first view is based on assumptions that abundant life is about rights and rewards, satisfaction is transactional. The second is based on assumptions that abundant life is about privileges and provisions, satisfaction is in abiding.
b4 you have a view on needs satisfaction you have a b4worldview and your b4worldview is our business @ www.b4worldview.com
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