Theory of Optimal Distinctivenness

In the early 1990's Marilynn Brewer published research on a theory that has interesting implications on human behavior, especially for leaders. I know the name of the theory is quite daunting but the message of the theory is quite straightforward. Basically the theory states,

“humans are characterized by two opposing needs that govern

the relationship between the self-concept and membership in

social groups. The first is the need for assimilation and inclusion,

a desire for belonging that motivates immersion in social groups.

The second is a need for differentiation that operates in opposition

to the need for immersion”

A 2011 Harvard Business Review article ("Are You a Good Boss or A Great One") stated a similar principle, "everyone wants to be a valued member of a group AND needs individual recognition."

This notion about human need suggest why leading teams is difficult regardless of the qualities of the leader. The follower is confounded over its motivation as a team member. This internal conflict of need in the follower is complicated by the strength of other  needs such as McClelland's need for affiliation (Naff), power (Npow) and achievement (Nach). Individuals high on Nach are more likely to be motivated by their desire for distinguishing themselves without much regard for team membership, high Npow will use their individual competencies to gain control of the group members, and high Naff will more likely abdicate their individual competencies to gain acceptance of other team members.

Ultimately within a relational context people are constantly determining the trade-offs between attending to their own unique intrinsic motivation and the motivation to be seen as legitimate, conforming to norms of the group. In my book "Stuck in Stinkin Thinkin" I discuss the human desire to engage in social exchange to maintain equilibrium with others in their life, which introduces fear, anxiety, and pride that constrains our joy, significance, freedom, and hope. These qualities are more present when we operate out of our intrinsic motivation, our calling.

The main reason we fail to intentionally play out what has been put in us can be explained by the Theory of Optimal Distinctiveness, a conflict of need. I have found in other theories and through experience that most people do not risk acceptance of others in order to display their specialness, partly explaining the mondane, unexceptional life many people live.

Its certainly something that we all should ponder .....