get vs have

Its typical of peeps to sometimes have more of their focus on the desire to get than the desire to have. In more benign life situations like vacations and buying cars, peeps can find much more enjoyment in the anticipation and pursuit of the target of their desire than they do when they experience its reality. The letdown of actually having something can often be a drag on our well-being as our closet is full of clothes we don't wear and car payments come every month.

However, in some life situations this tendency can create confusion, frustration, and significant disappointment. More often than we'd like to think I observe a young bride or a groom aspiring to get married only to find out being married (having the spouse) is not what they had bargained for. This "mistake" can haunt them for years as their dream to "get" did not consider the "have" of marriage.

Recently my grand daughter found that wanting to get a dog was way more exciting than the reality of having it. It just wasn't fun getting up each morning to take it out, feeding it, making arrangements for it when she's gone, etc. The time and commitment has been difficult to handle and has overwhelmed the earlier pursuit to "get a dog". Unwinding the decision to pay good money for and attach herself to a dog has been traumatic, but a good life lesson.

My wife and I laugh sometimes about her desire to get a garden is much stronger than to have it. She enjoys shopping for and buying new plants and anticipating what her English garden will look like. However, while she likes to look at it, the garden has to be watered, weeds have to be pulled, plants have to be dead-headed, and often at times these demands are not convenient for her. She likes to get a garden but not to garden (or have it).

There are so many examples in life each of us can identify with. Its part of the human condition. So what can we do. It seems that our fascinations for and dreams of things we desire should be better examined. We must focus more on the HAVE than the GET to determine the long term implications of our aspirations.

Maybe most of the time these "mistakes" will be just nuances in our life but some can be sources of discontent, disappointment, guilt from hurting others, and our own pain. I have just seen a blitzkrieg of these recently and felt it was worth pondering ......