A tribute to my bro’ and his legacy of grace

Many gathered tonight to celebrate my brother Phil’s 60^th birthday. When a person is that age, we tend to focus more on legacy than potential. I wore pink to draw attention to his legacy of girls - Skissy, four daughters and now Paisley Grace. Looking back over his life, I think there was some early prophecy about Phil and girls. He’s the youngest of three brothers and was highly anticipated to bring the parents a daughter.  As a young child he had thick curly blond hair. One of our uncles used to kid him about being a Brownie Scout. However, as many boys do, when he reached school age, he was quite awkward looking, overweight, glasses, buck teeth. When first married, Skissy would put Phil’s school pics on the refrigerator as birth control and she would say, “I am never having children.” J

We grew up in Montgomery, Al where the culture strongly favored achievement and athletic prowess, especially football. Phil was one grade behind me, which made the contrast between my athletic and academic accomplishments and his even more apparent. I later found out from mother that instead of this difference being a problem for Phil, he would use the fact he was my brother to his advantage with his teachers and other students, particularly the girls.

I moved through life quickly, making things happen as fast as I could. I received my masters Degree four years from graduating high school. I am not sure how long it took Phil to “get through” Troy, but he wasn’t in a hurry. My youngest daughter was graduating from college when Phil’s youngest was born. One of my fondest memories was when Phil finally graduated from college he had not begun to look for a job. He returned home and spent his days on the couch watching TV. Mother would say to him every day, “you’ll never get a job laying here on the couch.” Well, after some days passed of more of the same, the phone rings (while Phil is on the couch). Mother calls, “it’s for you Phil.” Phil comes back from the call saying, “I got a job!” J

We both had spiritual awakening as adults, Phil’s occurred before mine giving him a special role in mine. This ultimately made us brothers in a special way beyond just biological brothers. Instead of being cynical about our differences, we admired the differences in each other. Phil would admit he wished he were more aggressive and risk taking (like me). I longed for the sweet spirit and patience that everyone saw in Phil. I remember visiting Phil when the girls were small, the quieting calm that permeated their home as he held the girls in his arms and sang to them. Later when they were older and we would get in the car to go some place, he and I would be in the car for 10 minutes or so ready to go before the girls would start appearing. They would come as they were ready and Phil would just patiently wait. Once all girls were in the car, I thought we would crank up and depart. No way, I looked at Phil and he would say, “one or more of the girls have forgotten something and will have to go back into the house before we could leave.” J

As with many of you, Phil has been a spiritual mentor for me. Years ago when life was beating me up pretty badly, Phil gave me some wisdom on marriage. He said, “God ordained the institution of marriage as His workshop to teach us to love Jesus and like Jesus. Everything that happens is to this end.”  This Kingdom perspective has transformed my life for many years. Although I have been jealous of one thing about Phil. God moved mightily in both of our lives. However, for me I was tossed to and fro and beat over the head by a 2x4 by God to come around. When Phil would share how God broke him, he just had to quit smoking. Somehow that didn’t seem fair.  J

While Phil may be more known for his legacy of girls, I have found looking back over his life that his real legacy is one of grace. When our older brother visited Phil a few months ago for the first time in many, many years, all he could talk about was the unique nature of Phil’s family. How they love, respect, and support each other and how much they love Phil. My response to him was, “it’s pure grace in motion, pure grace!!” 

Thank you God for using Phil to show us all a picture of Your Grace.