role of the father

Parenting is a tough job. I have a great heart for mothers who work hard to balance duties of the home with other outside pressures and still maintain her needs and desires to be a woman. But, fathers can affect the family in substantial and dramatic ways. Although a wife may work and even earn more than the husband, the father provides for and the protects the family in many ways. The man was designed to be the "spiritual head" of the family. So what does that mean?

Well, it doesn't mean he has a God given right to order everyone around and wield his power as he chooses. It means that he has the greatest responsibility in being for his family what God is to all of us, the source of redemptive grace that transforms and sustains. If I had to state the father's role in one sentence, it would be "to make grace operative in his home."

Well, what does that look like?

Often well meaning parents believe their objective is to produce "perfect kids." Forging out kids who do all the right things is the greatest enemy of the above stated role of the father. The best weapon of the father is not a loud, demanding, stern voice and lots of rules. It's more an affirming word, calm demeanor when the child messes up, and a big hug when the child really screws up.

The worst thing a parent, particularly the father, can say to his child is "how dare you do this to me!"
Delinking one's on welfare from their child's behavior is the start to making grace operative in the home. When a child feels that their father's well-being is dependent on the child's behavior, then the child is in bondage to the father's happiness. This does not mean that inappropriate behavior is not dealt with, it means that it is dealt with AFTER the child has been affirmed and loved. A principle I found helpful here is "a father should focus on the child's need and his own behavior, not his own need and the child's behavior (which is more the norm)."

One of the more interesting aspects of this is body language. When the father shows he is pleased when the child succeeds and displeased when the child fails, the child gets the message, "dad is happy when I do good and sad (mad) when i do bad." Fathers, learn to celebrate failure. Rejoice when the errant child "comes home."

After all, isn't this really what the Heavenly Father does for us?  think about it .....