"Mommy, I'm tired"

Our 3 mile walk to the beach is mostly on a bike path, so there are many people out riding who pass us in the morning as we walk. Yesterday, we saw a young family riding toward us. As they got near us we heard the 6 - 8 yr old daughter cry out, "mommy, I'm tired, will you carry me home?"

There really was nothing unusual about this. Often young children look to their parents to make their world right. However, since I am walking and in blogger mode, my thoughts went to an ageless issue with parenting. Its what parents do at these times that matters years down the road when the stakes are much higher.

Eventually most parents want their children to be ready and able to take responsibility for their lives as they move out to college and then to their career. But, too often parents find their adult kids struggling to do so. We have an increasing entitlement generation, expecting someone to swoop in and fix their life. Its one reason our government has grown so BIG. It partly explains the fixation on Barney by millennials. Often its too late when someone reaches their 20's to all of a sudden produce the insights and skills to make good choices about their life.

This incident reminded me that the journey starts here, with all of the cries, "mommy, I'm tired." Its what parents do at early ages to help their child sort through life issues like these that shape the later years. The parent could say, "I'm so sorry sweetie, why don;t you ride with me and we'll come back and get your bike later." Parents have an instinct to remove all pain from their children;s life, but that may not be what loving the child really involves. Maybe a better response is to stop, hear the child's plea, take a short break to honor the child's concern, but don;t solve the problem for them. Give them choices. "You can do what you need to do to ride on with us until we are home or you can stay here by yourself for a while and come on home later. Your choice." Maybe there are other choices, too. Options should be presented that are situational appropriate, but the point is to coach them to solve their problem and not make it your problem.

However, the major point to ponder from this simple moment is that what comes out in their 20's starts with many little moments in the first 15 years. This is a major issue for pondering for all parents who love their children and want them to grow up to leave, not to stay .....