there's sex and then there's SEX

You probably asking "where the crazy old man going with this?" Good question!

The most common standard for whether sexual behavior is appropriate is marriage. If two peeps are married to each other, then sex is right. If not, sex is wrong. The problem with this is two fold. One is that there is no criteria for the appropriateness of sex inside marriage and the other is that sex outside marriage has become one of those "mega sins" that ruins lives through heaps of condemnation and guilt.

I think there's a criteria that at least can inform the first issue and provide more perspective on the second. Suppose we use the criteria of carnal mind and Kingdom mind to make sense of sexual behavior. Now this is really not my idea, I just borrowed it from Jesus :-)

This notion of two minds seems to be what He is getting at in The Sermon of the Mount. The 3 chapters in Matthew are focusing on the Kingdom of God and the provision Jesus has made for us to be in harmony with it.

Regarding sex, Jesus says that lust is adultery. Notice he did not say cheating on one's spouse is adultery. What is He saying? Lust is the desire for self gratification, particularly sensual pleasure. He doesn't give marriage as a qualifier for lust.  Even in marriage, sex which is for self gratification is adulterous or unfaithfulness. Husbands who use their wife for personal pleasure and wives who use their husbands to get what they want are carnal minded. Jesus is saying when we use another person to satisfy self, we are unfaithful, but to whom? GOD!!!

God sent His Son to die for us so we could receive all of our well being from Him. When we use anything, especially another peep to meet our needs then we are not trusting that God is and will. This doesn't mean God does not wish for us to enjoy each other, but that should flow from a deep desire to know one another, not use each other. Knowing another deeply is the greatest joy of life. Jesus says that "real life," the one God designed for us, is knowing Him in deep intimacy. same with peeps!!

The context of these verses in Matt is this. No one can reach or maintain harmony with God's Kingdom (be righteous) by fulfilling the Law. Jesus went ahead and did that for us. Continuing to rely on law following for our well being is carnal minded. Jesus then goes through a series of ways we seek self (righteousness, gratification, exaltation, power, rights, etc.) while obeying Law. We are called to a different mind, the Kingdom mind. Here we make sense of ourself and our actions based on the Grace that has redeemed us. Self has been crucified with Christ and He wishes to live His life through us.

Regarding sex, this would mean that we can be the most exposed, the most vulnerable when we know our well being has been taken care of by Jesus. We do not need to use the world around us for us to be OK. Men use sex to get physical pleasure, women to get love and secure their relationship. James Dobson puts it this way, "women give sex to get love, men give love to get sex." By being free we are able to be intimate, to deeply know and be known. This is the source of our greatest joy. Marriage is not a license to use each other for self gain (in way that is a form of prostitution) but our calling to deeply love another God has chosen for us to love.

So, there's sex (carnal minded), which is based on social exchange where one gives another their sexual self in exchange for self gratification, and there's SEX (Kingdom minded) where two peeps trust God enough for their well being that they can share their deepest, most vulnerable aspects of their self with another whom God called them to love.

Just saying ....