Social Exchange Theory

Social Exchange is a seminal theory of relationships between individuals, individuals and groups, and between groups. It basically states that the force that holds relationships together is the value that passes between them. This is basically a norm of reciprocity where entities give in order to get. The relationship remains as long as equilibrium is maintained. This is the basis for the principle that marriage is 50-50, or the Teddy gram Valentines commercial that says "the gift that keeps on giving so that you can keep on getting." What one receives from giving does not have to be of like kind but of equal value (e.g., I can give someone money but expect status or respect in return). The motives behind giving is fairly well recognized and is captured in Matt 6 when Jesus says that if we give charitable gifts for an earthly reward (Social Exchange), that is all we will get. The more subtle aspect of Social Exchange is the response of the receiver. Receiving obligates us to return something of equal value (again, not necessarily in like kind). This is as simple as when we receive a gift for Christmas from someone we didn't expect, we immediately turn our attention to what we need to get them in return. This is a major love blocker. That is, when someone gives us love (attention, respect, loyalty, etc.) we get "uncomfortable" if we don't  believe we can measure up (fear), or we can't give back to that person in equal measure (guilt), or this obligates us in ways we do not like (shame). This constrains our ability to simply receive the love offered. Many relationships are restricted or destroyed because people cannot handle the obligations that go with receiving. This is how our flesh operates and is in direct contrast with Grace. Jesus says receive me and my love for you and your only response is to walk in thanksgiving, not obligation. Responding to Grace with obligation, not thanksgiving, is the heart of legalism and it breaks God's heart.