I have spent much of the day today with what feels like a "heavy heart." This is a phrase often used to refer to some burden that we are carrying around at the time. Often it is a sense of deep regret, disappointment, failure or many times a deep sense of grief. I found out this morning that a long time friend and former colleague has cancelled chemo for his pancreatic cancer and called in hospice. The end of this life is near. He's brave, he is a Christian and has handled this illness and its prognosis with great human courage. He doesn't seem depressed at all about imminent death.
So, why am I or should I be burdened in my soul for him and this situation? He and I both know that physical death is simply a step along the way of eternal life. To get a more proper perspective and not feel burdened by a heavy heart but lifted up by a rejoicing heart, I have pondered, how should I think about my friend and this time of passing?
One of the more endearing ways people view the passing of life is through the notion of "bucket list." This represents places or things someone aspires to as they age and find life closing in on them. Kind of a final wish list.
So, I let my mind turn to my friend. This time I pondered what would be a good bucket list if I were in hospice care. After all, this means there are only days left on this earth. This is about as final as things get. A perfect time for a bucket list.
By pondering what my bucket list might be, my soul was light, not burdened. I found that a "heavy heart" is not necessarily a heart that is under the weight of negative forces, but simply a heart that finds most of it's attention on one thing. In this case, my heart was fully attending to how my friend must be feeling and what words of encouragement could I give him.
My spiritual practice for the past 20 years has been to stop in the midst of what I am doing and ask, "God, what does this look like to you?" He never fails to provide a thought, an insight into truth that transforms my moment.
And He didn't fail me this time either. The thought He gave me was this, "at the top of any Kingdom dweller's bucket list is resurrection life." That's it. The most significant thing I want is RESURRECTION LIFE. Right when God gave me this word for my heart, I heard the words of a song which went something like this, "The great I AM makes all things new."
I now have words to share with my friend and a new number one item on my bucket list. My heart is still heavy, but not burdened. It's heavy because it's full of, actually obsessing over, trusting His promise.
